The switch between a working mom into a stay at home mom has been one hell of a ride, but I wouldn’t’ change it for the world and I want to share with you why.
You may not know that before becoming a “SAHM” (stay at home mom) — look at me using cool mom codes– I was a full-time working mom. The first year of Axel’s life was spent more in daycare than at home. Some days I’d feel guilty and that I was neglecting time with him that could instead be spent with me.
Check out my post below if you’re a first time mom freaking out about having your first child:https://splitwhit.com/2018/12/06/4-lies-about-motherhood/
Everyday I’d wake up at 5am, get myself ready and make myself a coffee in my Yeti so I could easily grab it on my way out knowing that it would still be hot. It’s the little things. I’d get Axel ready next, then head out the door.
Working Full Time
Either myself or Dustin would drop him off at daycare everyday. My shift was 7am-3:30pm and on some days, that 8 hour shift felt like I was working a double. Being a first time mom, the first year of Axel’s childhood was one big fat worry wort. I had the WORST anxiety about leaving him there and would want frequent picture updates texted to me daily. Side note, I am very lucky in saying that the daycare Axel goes to, is ran by my fiancée’s Mother and Grandma. This helped me stay a little more at peace during the first few weeks of going back to work after maternity leave but STILL. It wasn’t easy, what. so. ever.
3:30 pm couldn’t come soon enough. Sometimes I’d even get a little bit of a head start to my car so I could leave as soon as possible to go pick up my baby. I use to get so anxious driving to the daycare; wondering about every little part of his day. Did he miss me? Was he scared because his mom wasn’t with him? Did the other little kids mess with him when no one was looking? Were they changing him fast enough? Etc. I was literally so excited every day to come scoop up my little bundle of fat.
The hours from the time I would get home, start on dinner, settle in and maybe do a load of laundry would fly by. Before I knew it, it was 8pm. By then Axel was asleep and I was up either spending time with Dustin or just getting anything I needed done that I couldn’t do while at work. Around 11pm or so I’d go to bed, then repeat the same routine over and over again during the week until the weekends.
Weekends before becoming a sahm were definitely something I looked forward to. I freelanced in makeup during the weekends so I wasn’t able to spend quality time with my family like I wanted to. I also wasn’t in school, and doing my videography business like I am today. When I didn’t have appointments on the weekends, this didn’t necessarily mean free time for us three either. I’d try to visit my family (because they all wanted to see Axel) and run errands. If none of that occurred, then yes, I spent my weekends hanging out with Dustin and Axel. So, slim pickings.
My Life Today
Fast forward to 2 years later, I’m now a stay at home mom..
In a perfect world, being a stay at home mom would have been perfect for when Axel arrived but in reality we couldn’t afford living on just one income.
I spent my days at work on a computer behind a desk with an annoying coworker that never took no for an answer when he’d ask if I’d like to try his weird ass food; my mind just felt trapped, I felt trapped. The thought of being home with my son everyday always crossed my mind. I considered being a sahm “easy” and that women who get to do that are so lucky!
The day that Dustin told me that we were in a position in our lives and his career that if I wanted to try to stay at home with Axel is the day I felt the most free in my life. All the things that I’d write about, think about and try to accomplish during the weekends or bits off free time on rare occasions would all come to the surface and I could start doing what I really want to do with my life.
So here we are. Today, I’m a stay at home mom and everyday is magical. I wake up when I want, cuddle with Axel during his naps, get all of my laundry done before the weeke–
Just Kidding. lol.
So here we are. It’s been a year. Wow. I can’t believe I made it this long! you surprised that I’m saying that? Yeah, me too.
Obviously being a stay at home mom has done more positive than negative when it comes to increasing the time I spend with my son. It allows more opportunities for ME to catch his “firsts” and instead of daycare. I’m here when he’s hurt, wants comfort, and I get to spend my entire day with him,
And that’s when I realized being a stay at home mom isn’t so easy after all…
I’m usually up until midnight to around 2am or so, depending on how long I wait to get into my recliner chair. (Damn I sound old) I respond to emails, edit, do laundry, etc. These are the things I’m usually doing after Axel goes to sleep for the night. Sometimes when I get into bed super late he ends up waking up too. I’m always so tired and quite frankly careless about Axel’s sleeping arrangements (at the crack ass of dawn) and I’d get him his “cup” and lay him next to me in bed. A couple hours will roll around and my son is awake and ready to start his day. Yep, at 5am. 🙂 🙂
I’m usually half dead right now, dragging my feet into the living room, turning the tv on, getting Axel his second round of “cup” then I plop down on the couch. Sometimes I’m so tired that I’ll end up falling asleep on the couch and Axel will just crawl up there with me and not bother me. (I usually have to give him his “pie pad” = iPad) Yes, he has an iPad but he’s on Youtube Kids and it’s not all day long. Judge me.
Should I Go Back To Work?
If I don’t have plans for the day, we usually stay in our pj’s. What’s the point in getting dressed? The days that I meet up with my fellow mom friends and visit family is when I realize that being a stay at home mom IS worth it. It’s worth the constant stress of NOT being able to work until your child goes to sleep because you have so much time with them all day. Something you can’t get when you have to be at work.
Being at work, I wouldn’t have that. I wouldn’t be able to take care of things around the house until after work. I don’t have to worry about using vacation days to use when Axel is sick. I’m always here. Some days I get so frustrated I tell myself or Dustin, “I’m going back to work” or “I can’t do this anymore”. But when I think about all the things that I’ve been able to do with my son being at home and how all of the small things I won’t get to see anymore, I reevaluate.
Obviously I know not everyone can just make this switch or don’t have someone else to help them be at home with their children like they’d like. I also know that being a sahm isn’t for everyone and that it’s ok if you tried it out and decided its not for you. I am very thankful and blessed, and I know that I still have more time ahead of me to figure this thing called life out.
I realize this is my life now, I’m ok with this. I’m still a hard worker, just a different kind now. I won’t let my sanity take away from the time I spend with Axel. If I want something to work, I have to do everything in my power to make sure it works. I’ll take the occasional fits, hair pulls and back climbing if it means being with Axel more than not.
Thanks for reading